A second or third marriage with children can complicate the division of furniture and personal property in an estate settlement. However, it is still possible to avoid conflict and keep peace in a family if certain 'rules of engagement' are followed.
These rules are:
1) Only immediate heirs or beneficiaries should be involved in the division process.
2) Commit to a common goal to achieve a peaceful and fair settlement.
3) Agree not to remove anything from a home prior to the official division process.
(All three of these rules are discussed more completely in a separate article: 'The Three Main Causes of Conflict in an Estate Settlement, and What To Do About Them.')
There are many possible variations of blended families, so any answer given about how to make a fair distribution must be generalized. For the sake of simplicity, I will present a scenario that best describes the most common situation for a blended family: when there is a marriage with two sets of grown children (teenagers or older).
Before having an appraisal done of all items (discussed below), both groups of heirs should go through the property and list items they remember to have been in their home prior to the second marriage. (In the case of small children, this becomes less practical and might require assistance.) This should create two specific groups of possessions to be divided separately by the two groups of heirs. If there is disagreement about any item, it should go into the general pool of items for division later in the process.
Also, each individual heir should write down 5 to 10 items for which they have a strong attachment or a special interest in having, along with a brief statement about why. Once all lists are made, the executor or appointed mediator should compare the lists for duplications. If a duplication occurs, that item also goes into the general pool of items for division later. The items not duplicated can be awarded to the individuals who made special requests. (NOTE: Remember, special interest lists are limited to ten items each.)
Before the division process begins, I highly recommend that a professional and reputable appraiser be hired to determine the monetary value of all items. Often this is not thought to be necessary, but I have found that the small amount of expense involved is well worth it. One important tip about this however, is to negotiate a flat fee rather than a commissionable basis of payment. Remember, the desired result is to create a fair division among heirs.
Once all of the specifically named items are divided, all other items in the property are then to be divided equally among all heirs. Whether by drawing from a deck of cards or rolling dice, heirs can take turns making their selections from that point forward. By having a commitment to fairness, this can be done successfully, even in a blended family.
Every married person with children should consider the possibility that one day something might happen to them, and that eventually the surviving spouse might remarry. In contemplating that situation, they should then consider what property (furniture, jewelry, china, special keepsakes, etc.) they want to be sure ends up belonging to their children, not sold or given to step-children whom they do not know.
Here's how to do this easily:
Simply make a list of all items that you want to be divided among your children. Don't make this process harder than necessary. You do not need to indicate exactly what items go to which child, the list should simply indicate all items that you want to be divided among the children or heirs specifically named in your will.
Next, have a statement of your intent, including the list, attached to your will as a part of your estate plan. In order to be sure that amendments conform to the laws of your state, it is recommended that you have this done by a professional. It's a simple exercise, but one that can prevent problems later.
Above all, I believe that the greatest legacy we should leave to our children is to teach them the meaning of the 'Golden Rule', do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Anything that lends itself to lessening conflict during the estate settlement process should likewise assist in teaching them this ultimate truth.
Author Resource:-
Families can keep peace and avoid conflict when going through this process. The main benefit is to preserve and protect family relationships. It provides a system of organization for the orderly transfer of property from one generation to the next. www.passingthefamilytorch.com
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